found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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