last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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