U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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