So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
two words...techno handjob
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
