she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
