my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
