I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
