Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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