I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
