some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
