new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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