from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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