I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need to sanitize my soul.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize