This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
