Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
