I cockslap morals
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
