heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
