I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
