im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
