it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
