i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
