if you like me you must not know who I am
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
