I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
