If you die in college, do you die in real life?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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