The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We need a shit load of segways right now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
