We're facebook friends in real life
I'm going to jail i love you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize