I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
