I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
