i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
