very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
