I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
