..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
