i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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