Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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