just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
