just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize