There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
