He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
