Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
