I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize