I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
