He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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