aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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