I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
