I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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