i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
