keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
