My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
