i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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