Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
