Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize