Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
