I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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