I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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