i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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