i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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