speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
