Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
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