and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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