that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
