im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize