Only a mothe r could love this liver
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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