It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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