Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
