I think my fart just growled at me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
