What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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