you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
