physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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