I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
